


tell him while i can

by demonicneonfishy



Series: i'll see you at the gates [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Crusades Era Joe | Yusuf al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Getting Together, M/M, Minor Mentions of Violence, Mutual Pining, POV Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Temporary Character Death, but nicky doesn't know that, it's the aftermath anyway, it's the old guard - you know how it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27176192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonicneonfishy/pseuds/demonicneonfishy
Summary: Nicoló and Yusuf have been travelling together for years. Nicoló is perfectly fine with this, until all of a sudden he realises just how much Yusuf means to him.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: i'll see you at the gates [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983620
Comments: 28
Kudos: 344





	tell him while i can

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first one-shot! (and fic in general, i guess.) 
> 
> title of oneshot (and series) from gates by tyler glenn
> 
> enjoy!

"Yusuf."

Nicoló knows that Yusuf will wake up: he always has before. But knowing that doesn't stop the fear that this time - for whatever reason - he won't.

Nicoló doesn't want to imagine it.

"Yusuf, wake up," he repeats in Arabic. It doesn't usually take this long. It shouldn't-

Yusuf gasps awake.

Nicoló relaxes, letting his shoulders drop. "Took you long enough."

Yusuf grins, looking around. The people who had attacked them are dead, their blood still drying. "Looks like you did just fine without me."

Nicoló stands, then holds out a hand to Yusuf. "Come on. We should go."

Yusuf takes his hand and lets Nicoló pull him to his feet. He doesn't let go right away. Instead, he stares at Nicoló, still holding his hand.

For a second, Nicoló imagines leaning forward and closing the distance between them. It would be so easy. They are already standing close together as it is.

He pushes the thought away almost instantly, and looks away from Yusuf, letting go of his hand. "Let's go," he says, and if Yusuf notices anything wrong, he doesn't mention it.

-

It takes Nicoló half an hour to convince Yusuf to let him take the first watch. Yusuf falls asleep quickly (after making Nicoló promise multiple times to wake him on time) and part of Nicoló is glad that Yusuf trusts him enough to do so.

Nicoló leans back against the tree behind him and stares up at the night sky.

They have been travelling together for years now, ever since Yusuf dropped his scimitar and offered Nicoló his hand instead. In that time, they’ve gone from enemies, to allies, to friends.

Somehow, despite everything Nicoló has done, Yusuf has forgiven him. Nicoló will never stop wondering why.

He's almost beginning to forget what life was like before this, before Yusuf. He has grown so used to having the other man beside him, whether they’re fighting or simply continuing on their journey. They fight together seamlessly, knowing where the other is without looking, trusting each other to protect their back. Yusuf has taken deadly blows for Nicoló on more than one occasion, and vice versa. The moments between are even easier: when they sit together by the fire, analysing their dreams from the night before; when Nicoló makes a joke and Yusuf always laughs, regardless of whether the joke was actually funny; when they talk for hours about the most meaningless things. Nicoló cherishes every single one.

But recently, things have changed. There are moments when they hold each other’s gaze just slightly longer than necessary, when Yusuf’s hand lingers on Nicoló’s shoulder, when Yusuf laughs and Nicoló is sure he has never heard a more beautiful sound.

All of a sudden, the pieces fall into place, and he understands.

Oh, shit.

-

“Did you see anything new?” Yusuf asks.

Nicoló shakes his head. “The same landscape as before. Maybe they are waiting for us.”

Yusuf hums thoughtfully. “If they know we are coming at all.”

“It would not make sense. For us to dream about them, without them also dreaming about us.”

Yusuf laughs. “None of this makes sense, my friend.”

“True. But perhaps we are meant to find each other.”

“Like destiny?” Yusuf is grinning, and Nicoló can’t help smiling back.

“I suppose.”

Yusuf falls silent, and Nicoló doesn’t mind. There was a time when silence between them was uncomfortable; now it is as easy as everything else.

They have been searching for the women that appear in both their dreams for a long time now. Nicoló hopes they will have some kind of explanation as to why this is happening to them, of all people. They do not look much older than him, but they act as if they have walked the earth for much longer. He is almost intimidated, and he has never even met them.

He glances over at Yusuf.

It would be so simple to say it.

I think I love you.

But how would Yusuf respond? What if he was disgusted? What if it changed everything? Nicoló does not know if he can bear to lose what they have now, the easy companionship that took years to build.

But things do not have to change. Not if he stays quiet.

And maybe his feelings will fade with time, and things will return to normal.

Yusuf catches Nicoló staring, and smiles. Nicoló smiles back, and decides that perhaps it is better to love Yusuf in silence.

-

“Nicoló.”

He is trying, he is trying, he’s healing as fast as he can and it’s not fast enough-

“Nicoló, destati. Please, Nicoló-” Yusuf’s voice breaks.

Nicoló cannot see yet, but he can hear Yusuf begging him to wake.

He sees the light first, a faint haze that focuses into the night sky and Yusuf leaning over him, tears streaking his face. Then he feels the ground pressing into his back. Then pain, bright and burning, as his body heals.

Then, then, he breathes.

Yusuf’s entire body sags with relief as he reaches out to brush the hair from Nicoló’s face.

Nicoló is about to say something, anything, to relieve the tension and the panic in Yusuf’s eyes. He tries, but his voice is not working yet.

Then Yusuf kisses him.

Nicoló forgets what he was going to say.

He manages to reach up and tangle his fingers in Yusuf’s hair, drawing him closer. His entire body still aches, but the pain does not matter. Nothing matters but this.

They break apart, foreheads still touching, and only then does Nicoló regain the capacity for coherent thought.

“Yusuf,” he whispers. “Sono qui.” I am here.

Yusuf’s eyes fly open. He moves away from Nicoló like he has been burned, a look of horror on his face.

Does he regret it?

Nicoló sits up, wincing at the ache in his bones which is only just beginning to subside.

“Forgive me, I did not- I am sorry- I did not think,” Yusuf says, his words stumbling over each other.

“Wait.”

Yusuf watches him as he shifts to a more comfortable position, the pain now almost completely gone. They come back from death, but doing so hurts.

“Forgive me,” Yusuf repeats, refusing to meet Nicoló’s eyes.

“There is nothing to forgive,” Nicoló responds.

For a little while, neither of them speaks. Then Yusuf stands and takes another step back. “We should move.”

Nicoló nods and gets to his feet. Yusuf begins to walk away.

The way Nicoló sees it, he has two options. He could simply follow Yusuf, and they would never have to speak of it again. Things could return to normal. _Couldn't they?_

Even as he thinks it, he knows they won't.

“Wait,” he says again, jogging to catch up.

Yusuf turns, and they are standing barely a foot apart, and Nicoló isn’t sure how to breathe anymore.

He’s not sure how to say it. Yusuf would know what to say, he always knows. Nicoló does not.

“I love you,” he says, for lack of any better ideas.

It’s simple, and extraordinarily uncreative, but it works.

Yusuf doesn’t say anything, just looks at him, and Nicoló is suddenly very, very scared. Did I do something wrong? Did I get the wrong idea? Have I ruined everything?

“Please,” Yusuf says softly, looking away. “Don’t. Don’t joke about that, Nico.”

He sounds so resigned, so tired, that it breaks Nicoló’s heart.

Nicoló reaches out and takes his hand. “I would not joke about this.”

Yusuf looks down at their joined hands, then back at Nicoló. His eyes shimmer with tears.

“You wouldn’t wake up,” he whispers, his voice shaking. “You were gone for hours, Nicoló. I thought you had left me.”

“Never,” Nicoló says. It is the first thing he has been sure about in a while. “I would never.”

Yusuf’s shoulders drop, and he nods, suddenly looking exhausted. Nicoló wonders how long he spent begging him to wake up.

“It’s okay,” he says softly, reaching out and pulling Yusuf close. “I’m here. I'm okay.”

Yusuf lets out a shuddering breath and leans forward, resting his head on Nicoló’s shoulder.

“I cannot go on without you,” Yusuf says.

“You won’t have to,” Nicoló replies, running his fingers gently through Yusuf’s hair. “I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm demonicneonfishy on tumblr too if you wanna come say hi!


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